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HyperCaz's Time Warp

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Farscape

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John Crichton: Have we sent the "Don't shoot, we're pathetic" transmission yet?

John Crichton: Welcome to the Federation Starship SS Buttcrack.

John Crichton: You fart HELIUM?

Aeryn Sun: This is a bad combination: Zhaan distracted, Crichton confused.
General Ka D'Argo: Crichton is always confused.

Captain Biallar Crais: You have no idea where we're going. We could be going around in circles.
John Crichton: We're not going in circles, nimrod, 'cause we've never been here before. We're completely lost.

John Crichton: Don't move or I'll fill you full of... little yellow bolts of light.

John Crichton: That's your plan? Wile E. Coyote would come up with a better plan than that.

Gilina: I can't believe you're not Sebacean.
John Crichton: Human. It's kinda like Sebacean, but we haven't conquered other worlds yet, so we just kick the crap out of each other.

John Crichton: I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare.

John Crichton: Does this strike any of you superior beings as a little bit ironic?
Chiana: Why?
John Crichton: I'm the deficient one, and I'm still saving your butts.

Chiana: What if the creature's waiting?
John Crichton: Then piss it off.
Chiana: How?
John Crichton: Pretend it's me.

John Crichton: How do you say 'we're screwed' in your native tongue?

Dominar Rygel XVI: I hate Star-burst!

John Crichton: If he masters wormhole technology, what will he use it for?
Scorpius: Faster delivery of pizzas.

Dominar Rygel XVI: Bitchin'.

John Crichton: Oh, great. So he's like one of those mechanics on 60 Minutes who says he's gonna help and then he screws us.

John Crichton: Alright, we don't understand the R2D2 crap. We're going to use the Star Trek system. One blink for yes, two blinks for no.

John Crichton: Flying through wormholes ain't like dusting crops, farmboy. It takes a little finesse.

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Nothing says "I digress" better than that.
- The Immunity Thread

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