The Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!
The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful
Commissioner Jim Gordon: He gave us a signal.
The Joker: Tell me something,
my friend. You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
The Joker: Never rub another man's
The Joker: Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.
Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives.
But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
Batman: You killed
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you,
you made me first.
The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I
made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?
The Joker: And now, folks, it's
time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And
where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!
Joker: As though we were made for each other...
Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
It can be truly said, that I have a bat in my belfry.
Bruce Wayne: You want to get nuts? Come on!
Lets get nuts!
The Joker: Hey you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh?
The Joker: Bob, I'm of a mind to make some mookie.
Knox: How do you know that?
Bruce Wayne: Because I bought it in Japan.
Vicki Vale: What do you want?
The Joker: Oh, Little song, little dance. Batman's
head on a lance.
The Penguin: But when it comes down to it, who is holding the
Catwoman: I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
The Penguin: I believe
the word you are looking for is "Aaahh"!
Catwoman: Life's a bitch. Now so am I.
The Penguin: You're just jealous because
I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask.
Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
A kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.
Guard 2: Don't hurt us, lady. Our take-home is less than
Catwoman: You're overpaid.
Ice Princess: The tree lights up, I press the
button... No wait, I press the button and...
Bruce Wayne: Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave?
I'm sitting there working; I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick - come on in."
The Penguin: What
you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
The Riddler: Riddle me this, riddle
me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?
Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my
homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid Master Dick has,
uhm, gone traveling.
Bruce Wayne: He ran away?
Alfred Pennyworth: Actually, he took
Bruce Wayne: He boosted the Jag?
Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir. Not the Jaguar.
The other car.
Bruce Wayne: The Bentley?
Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir! The other
The Riddler: You should have let me in on this. We could have planned it, prepared it,
pre-sold the movie rights!
Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman!
The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.
You really are quite bright, despite what people say.
[hit boss on head with coffee canister]
Nygma: Caffeine will KILL YA!
Robin: I want a car, chicks dig the car.
This is why Superman works alone.
Alfred Pennyworth: You look quite fashionable.
Apart from the mud.
Batman: Can you drive stick?
Alfred Pennyworth: But
Master Wayne, guests will be arriving!
Bruce Wayne: Keep them happy until I arrive. Tell them that joke
Female Restaurant Guest: I think the Batman deserves a medal.
And a straight-jacket to pin it on.
Alfred Pennyworth: What was the point of all those push-ups if
you can't even lift a bloody log?