Al: I don't think so, Tim.
[Wilson offers Tim an ancient wooden African throne]
It's nice, but if I'm gonna be sitting on a throne, it's gonna be porcelain, my friend.
Kyle: I can't
take it anymore! So much noise I can't hear the voices in my head.
Tim: And the peasants rejoice.
Some tool-men say "Why? ", this tool-man says "Why not? ".
Jill: This tool-man's wife says "Why me? ".
Randy: Um, Beth, another cooger snookie? Er, booger cookie?
Tim: And remember,
if your drill says Binford... GET OUTTA THE HOUSE. TOOLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK.
Randy: You're a
Tim: Did he just call me a dinosaur?
Randy: It's not junk,
it's Heavy Metal.
Tim: It sounds like they banging their heads on their guitars while they're getting
their teeth drilled.
Randy: Hey, cool - you saw the video.
Tim: [Has just
awakened Wilson by throwing a ball at his door] Wilson, have you ever had a really annoying neighbor?
Wilson: [after a pause] Tim is this a trick question?
Tool is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor and Al "The Most Sensitive Guy in the World" Borland.
Tim, are you growing a beard?
Tim: What d'you think?
Wilson: Well, I'm not sure.
I could never understand why a man would wanna hide his face.
Tim:[after unsuccessfully breaking
a block of wood with his head] B-Binford Tools. Messages. We have 'em.
Al: We'll be right back.
Al: I saw Mark in his costume. I always wanted to be the letter N.
impossible, Al. The song specifically says No Al.
[singing to the tune of Noel]
Al, No Al, No Al, No Al.
Tim: Maybe there's nothing THEY can do. But there's something I
can do. I'm the guy who delivered a baby after being crowned Car Guy of the Year in the same night. I'm the guy that built
a lawn mower than can do 12 seconds in a 1/4 mile. I'm the guy that put a barbecue grill in orbit, so don't you tell me there's
nothing we can do. I'm the Tool Man, I can fix ANYTHING.
Jill: Alright, zip up your fly and let's go.
Tim:[Playing with Buzz Lightyear doll] I am Buzz Lightyear. No, I am Buzz Lightyear.
No, I am Buzz Lightyear. No, I come in peace.
Doll: I come in peace.
No, I come in peace.
Tim: My sons are interested in baseball cards as an investment, and
they don't wanna get ripped off.
'Ink' Ingram: Sorry, all we do here is rip people off. Store policy.
Tim: I didn't mean to insult you, Mister...?
'Ink' Ingram: Rip-offer. Con-man T.
Tim: From the famous Jack the Rip-offer family?
Al: I take my work
seriously and all you do is crack jokes.
Tim: Crack jokes? Well the way you bend over like that...
See? Now that's what I'm talking about.
Randy: What kind of sick person hotwires his wife's car?
I think you boys are old enough to know the truth: your father is a sick, sick man.
Tim: Al, what's
your favorite part of gardening?
Al: Getting down and dirty with my hoe!
Last night, something very disturbing happened: Ilene... had a dream.
Tim: No! Not a dream. While she
was sleeping? I don't know, scientists may want to study her.